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English 111 G/H Rhetoric
and Composition
Sample E1: A critique of self
A while back, my Self revolved around trying to be perfect.
In high school I didn’t like who I was and so I tried to
change any imperfections. I thought I had in order to achieve
self acceptance and receive the acceptance of others. I tried
hard to be satisfied with who I was and really like who I was
as well. I was never really a mean person, but trying to be a
perfect person didn’t make me a very nice person either.
I tried so hard to be thin like the people that I saw on T.V.
because I thought, as ridiculous as this sounds, that it would
make me a better person. For me, television was my influence
on trying to be a better person.
In
the society that we live in, it is so hard to be happy and satisfied
with ourselves, especially our bodies. Whenever anyone sits down
to watch their favorite television show, most of the people on
the T.V. are thin, have perfect hair, and wear clothes that most
people can’t wear because of the snugness of the clothes
or just the fact that the clothing shows a lot of skin. In a
show like Beverly Hills 90210, the people are so perfect, that
it is so hard for the average person to watch the characters
on the show and think that they should be that way as well, and
they wonder what they could do so they can look like that as
well. Young teenagers are especially prone to the influence of
what they see on the television and how they perceive themselves.
Not too long ago I began analyzing myself and wondering why I
didn’t have the sculptured perfectness like the people on
T.V.
Before,
when I looked into the mirror and then at the T.V. set, my flaws
became very apparent, or at least I made them out to be. When
I looked in the mirror I saw myself as fat. Although I know that
I’m not or ever was, I couldn’t help to think that
I could lose a few pounds and be thinner and look just like the
people on the T.V. For the most part I don’t think that
the producers of the shows are trying to make children and young
teenagers think that everyone should be thin, but they should
be aware that especially young teenagers, are influenced by what
others look like and what they think they should look like. When
they see the characters on the popular T.V. shows like Friends,
they pick out the one they wish they could look like. I, like
many others, wasn’t immune to the influence brought by the
people on T.V. My favorite show is Friends and I watch it every
Thursday. As I watch the show, I wish I had a body like Jennifer
Aniston as well as her clothes. All her clothes look as though
they were made especially to fit her body. I know that in order
for me to be fit I have to eat better and exercise more, but
that really is a problem for me. I love food, unhealthy food
and I lack the motivation to begin an exercise routine. As for
the clothes, I’m now in college and I can barely afford
the necessities so made-to-fit clothes is hard to come by. There
was a time that I got so depressed that my appetite was non-existent
and my flaws seemed to disappear, or so I thought.
My
senior year of high school there were so many things that I had
to deal with, including wanting to be accepted, my self esteem
dropped, as well as pounds. At the time I thought that more people
would like me f I were thinner and looked like people on T.V.
Just by thinking this way, in a time period of about a month
I lost fifteen pounds. I really thought that I’d be happier
thinner but instead I scared myself when I stepped onto the scale
and saw that I weighed a mere 100 pounds. Although it scared
me, it was hard for me to find it in myself to eat a whole meal
without grossing out. I was so depressed and uninterested in
my health, that I failed to realize that what was happening to
me was hurting me. When I looked at my body in the mirror I thought
to myself, "Wow, I finally have that flat stomach I wanted."
At that point in time I thought I had the washboard stomach of
Jennifer Aniston. What I didn’t realize was that my hair
was getting dry and brittle and my face looked as though I was
the living dead. Fortunately, not too long after looking at my
body, and liking what I saw, I looked at my face. The image that
looked back at me was so horrifying that I had to look away and
I began to cry. I don’t know how I ever allowed myself to
deteriorate like that. I knew things had to change before they
got any worse. I was fortunate that I was able to see that what
I was going through was unhealthy and I was strong enough to
make myself better. Some unfortunately, aren’t so luck.
With so much emphasis put on being thin, some people can lose
all control and it gets harder for them to realize that food
is a must in order to live a healthy life.
Whenever
I see anorexics on talk shows they look so grotesque and I wonder
why they have such a hard time putting food in their mouth, chewing
it, and swallowing it. They know that what they are doing to
themselves isn’t normal and yet they can’t find it
in themselves to eat. It’s funny how they can admit out
loud that they have a problem, but they can’t seem to put
in their mentality that they have a problem. I guess that when
a person has a low perception of themselves, they’ll go
to great measures to try to make themselves happy. If that means
losing a few pounds fast they will try a crash diet to try to
lose those pounds. If that isn’t enough, it leads to elongating
the diet time period and eventually the person no longer wants
to eat because of the fear of gaining the weight back. In a way
I can relate to that because I feared getting fat if I ate even
the smallest portions of food.
Even
after looking in the mirror and deciding that things had to change,
I still shivered at the thought of putting on too much weight.
I felt that every piece of food that entered my body was going
to expand my waistline. If it were not for my caring friends,
I think that I would still be like that. With their help I was
able to eat a little more each day. After a few days I was able
to eat a whole meal and I felt so much better. Soon after I began
to eat, my face no longer looked pale and the sunken dark circles
under my eyes disappeared. I felt so much healthier and yet I
couldn’t help wanting to look like someone else, someone
on T.V., someone perfect.
I
realize there is no such thing as perfect. Something that is
perfect isn’t human. Real people have cellulite and have
bad hair days. The average everyday person has friends that come
in all shapes and sizes, unlike the people on Friends, in which
everyone looks perfect. Although the show is supposed to be about
average people living average lives, the producers failed to
acknowledge the fact that not all circles of friends have close
to perfect people. I guess what I’m trying to say is that
television shows put too much emphasis on what people look like
rather on who the person is on the inside. I have gone though
the process of trying to be perfect, but failed to be happy.
As one of my friends point out to me, I’m happier now the
way I am. For the first time in a very long time, I can honestly
say that I am very happy with who I am and what I look like.
I am perfectly fine with the fact that I gained the fifteen pounds
back because now I actually look healthy and feel healthy and
I am no longer living a lie. Because of this, I think I’m
a much nicer person and people like me and accept me for who
I am. I myself can now accept my flaws as a part of me and know
that they are what makes me human.
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Copyright 1997 Department of English |
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New Mexico State University |
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Use only with permission |
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